All publications of Karuna . हैदराबाद , भारत
My Encounter with Love...
Doesn't it feel wonderful and Amazing to know a person who loves you before you were actually born , yes it does. The saddest part of my life was, that person was right with me always like a shadow But I never knew him. Everyone knew that person but no one took time to share the Good News of love to me. As a reason I spent 17 years of my life as Loser and with no purpose to live. “HELL” is something we face after death but I faced it in my childhood and it was one miserable experience.When I look at my childhood I only pray and wish that no one would ever go through the horrific things which I‘have went through. Though I had a family , a church and friends but there was no one who cared about my life, no one really valued my feelings or understood them everyone were selfish.I was Struggling to find my identity, I really felt that I was “LIVING DEAD” in this world, and people looked at me like that, there was constant Rejection and humiliation because of the way I looked and the way I was. I was complete Loser in my school, studying was the hardest thing for me to do, I was very weak in understanding or grasping things , as a reason I spent most of my time kneeling down in my school or went through sought of punishment everyday just because I wasn’t good at studies and it was one horrible experience to be in every day and day out and there was no one to look after me or felt pity on me, my interests were to excel in sports which I was extremely Good at but no body wanted to invest in my dreams eventually I was forced to give up on my dreams.If I could sum up my school life into words it would be Humiliation, Rejection, Torture.Nobody really liked the way I was.
I never really knew what it was to be successful nor what it was to be a happy person nor to have Joy of any sorts and I always used to wonder if there was anybody in this world who loves me or cared for me and there was no one. Because of all these things I started finding happiness and Satisfaction in using Abusing words, Stealing , telling lies, hurting everyone who came my way. I had no reason to live because I didn't find love and care in my family because of the financial crisis we were in and the constant struggle of survival never really gave an create as such , in school I cant even dream of having it, and in the only place I felt good was in my church because there was some kind of peace and I some how felt there was somewhere a person called “GOD” who is seeing my misery and someday he would take me out of this. But still felt my church somehow behaved like my school and as nobody cared about my existence and I used to cry inside and question myself what’s happening with me.
Nobody took time to talk to me counsel me because of the kind of extreame extrovert kid I was , nobody could figure out why I was so restless kid...nobody not one person could feel my struggle.And when I was in this miserable life adding to that something unusual , strange incident happened in my Life which broke my life completely. On one fateful day when I was at the age of 14, I was RAPED by my relative who was quite elder than me . And it was an experience of hell being in that situation and unfortunately I didn’t have a single trustworthy friend in my entire life to share what was going through not even my parents. And my life was tearing apart when that person started doing the same thing with me again and again and again, it was humiliating torture for me which I was not able to avoid it. And no one in my society or my family members nor my church or anyone could ever figure out what was going through in my life. I still don’t know how many times I went through this and I used to feel so disgusted with myself and cried for help to the unknown to save me.I was not able to comprehend the feeling shame every day.After all there was one person who was watching all these things and that person did something strange to get me out this “hell” and it was “GOD”. Because God didn't like what was happening with me ,on that very month where my situation going was worse my house got sold. Though we had financial problems but I didn’t expect my house to get sold out of blue. “I didn't realise that it was “GOD” who made this happen to save my life”.However My life turned weirder and weirder as where ever I went I somehow encountered these people who sexually abused me and I started worthless and I felt no reason to live.
Though I felt rescued in someway but my miserable life continued when I started searching answers in this corrupt world about what my relative did to me and I fatefully fell into a deep pit called “PORNOGRAPHY” which destroyed my life completely , I began to look every one with a lustful eye and my mind wandered with sexual thoughts every day and I was not able to get over and overcome it I didnt know whom to share my struggle and my pain with I was scared that people will judge me and humiliate me and I kept all these things in my heart and the longer I kept these in my heart the more my life turned miserable. And there was one person who was watching all want I did and what I was going through and he was “GOD” again. And there was one god in my life in which I used to rely on everything that was “CRICKET”, and I felt this would rescue me from all my misery because at that moment the reason for my living was CRICKET. When I was sad I watched cricket , when I was happy I watched cricket...Cricket was absolutely my everything I prepared myself to die for cricket no matter what and achieve my goals and when I came to a point where I could fulfill my dream to become a cricketer God made all odds to stop that happen and it didn’t happen. After this I was felt even more disturbed because I felt there was no purpose and reason for me to live as I was still Loser. Before my life could take a RADICAL SHIFT a beautiful GIRL came into my life , at a point where my feelings where not valued adding to that this girl played with my feelings and finally dumped me for some stupid reason. And my broken and shattered life became even more meaningless and I had no reason to live and still didn’t have a single person to help me and share my struggle with .And this entire miserable experiences happened when I was still in my school. And after all finally and finally out of complete darkness a ray of hope came to me on a small vacation camp handbill in which was written “UNLEASHED” and the truth will set you free. Then I thought TRUTH and it will set me free, and I didn’t believe in those words but because I haven’t been to any camp in life I went for it. And probably the most Wonderful and the most Beautiful thing that could ever happen in my life was I met “JESUS”.
I found it strange when the preacher said that this person named JESUS died for me on the cross and shed his precious blood for me , and if we commit , repent and surrender our lives to him, no matter how broken or sinful your life is he will set you free and make you into a NEW CREATION. On January 15th 2011 like the prodigal son I knelt down and repented for the first time ever, I confessed all my sins and I said JESUS my life is broken he said I’l make it new , I said I’m good for nothing he said I made this entire world out of nothing ,I said I’m a TERRIBLE sinner and he said it’s OK I forgive you, I said JESUS no one loved me, and he said I LOVE YOU, I said I cant overcome my temptations and my sins he said I’l help you out and I said JESUS a girl dumped me and left me I’m broken, he said I’l never dump you nor leave nor break your heart, I said I don’t have a friend in my entire life to share my feelings, and he said I’l be your FRIEND FOREVER. That’s it after that wonderful assurance that Jesus gave me and I found reason to live, my chains were broken, now I could feel the freedom and Satisfaction and meaning to my life after 17 years. From that day when I surrendered my broken and sinful life to JESUS he transformed it and made me into a NEW CREATION.Though I accepted JESUS as my Personal Savior things didn't change immediately, for years in midst of all my all pains , troubles ,temptations, worries , depression , Broken dreams , unsuccessful life JESUS was with me , helped me overcome my struggle and he taught me how to live a perfect life in this sinful world helped me find purpose of my and my identity which is in him.And now finally I’m able to smile and be joyous at every situation of my life good or bad, even if every thing is against me I’m still able to be cheerful because as Bible says in Romans 8:28 " And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose"
Isn’t that enough friends if JESUS can transform my life out of the things I‘have gone through he will definitely transform yours if only you repent and accept Jesus as your personal Savior and surrender your life to him .No one in this entire world will assure you a new life like this, a life of satisfaction a life of meaning than Jesus. So please My dear Friends Give your life to Jesus it's the Best decision that you could make in your life.
“GOD BLESS YOU”