mindfullofstoriestotell Hubli India
Meant to be?
My boyfriend, He had a rough past his mother passing away while he was just 6 yrs old and his father being married to another woman. Emotionally he is blocked by his father and is only close to his grandfather after all that. His female cousin was too attached to him because he was much loved and had be shown compassion by her father, who was his uncle when he was facing all that trauma as a child. She was always there was him and to him, she was the only family. By which I mean they shared a great bond.
My boyfriend is 6 yrs younger than I am. And his cousin is probably an year or two younger than him.
When I first met him he claimed that he had feelings for her. And he always had them since childhood but could never express to her because of her father's compassion towards him. It seems like she knew about it as well. But do not wanna talk about it. Because by doing she would put their bond at stake.
We met in a family reception his cousin was my first friend. And the next day he celebrated her bday with bunch of surprises and ring that says love. And collected alot of money from some time for making her bday memorable. Inspite of her family being present at that particular time. He took up the entire responsibility of her bday on himself. Hmmm... we were all still knowing each other. So. Hmmm....
So when we got into a relationship, she was kinda happy in the beginning but later as time passed she started to feel jealous about me n my boyfriend spending time with each other and asked for his attention whenever she was around him in my absence and dint talk to me about it. We were on good terms with each other. But she was somewhat feeling like a nut in all off this. There were days when we 3 meet and she talks to him on differently personal levels and makes me step aside a bit. But i was mostly acting avoidant towards those moments because she was his cousin who meant the world for him before He met me. I dont know if my boyfriend enjoyed or enjoys those attentions from her. But when me and my boyfriend are together we are really happy with each other.
But when it comes to understanding him he flauts her ways of understanding him before me. Which obviously makes me a bit offended. I mean like. I want to be the one who understands him better than any other female. Be it his own cousin. And i waiting and waiting for toooo long to put up my thoughts of being insecure about his bond with his cousin. Because I definitely dont like him twining with her and her flaunting whats mine to flaunt. He clicking beautiful pictures for her and then when it comes to me, he be saying "thats how look babe, ugly! But I still love you" , you know they say "lens cant lie" and "beauty lies in the eye of a beholder" a person can make anything look lovely in a photograph if they want it to be looked that way. It some where felt like it was breaking my grip at him. And it kept me from showing so much of my romance and realness towards him. And i couldn't hold my pain in anymore and asked him to keep a distance from her a bit. And try investing into this relationship. To which He was like "you both are my girls, i cant choose between the both of u". He went introvert about himself even when i knew that he wouldn't text anything intimate with her. I was still jealous and totally insecure.
From few weeks we weren't talking that much unless if its us being horny. I wasn't really interested to please him because my mind had so much in them. But i faked so much of me in those days to put up myself to be available for him. Because i definitely dint want to loose him. Atleast not to his cousin. When i know if its not me that he is texting, its probably her. Maybe he did that because I never told him about all the emotional hidden hurt i was feeling while he was simply feeling i was ok him texting her. But somewhere i was emotionally being hurt because he shares all the tiny tiny happy moments with her and all he can share with is bunch of semen and nudes. Relationship with me, to him was only about physical, but maybe he felt he shoud be that only with me. But while he failed to understand the tiny silly things also belonged to me(his girlfriend, who is now his ex).
He recently released a music. To which I helped him with some written stuff. His cousin was pissed at him for not telling her anything about it. And taunted my help for him. Hmmmm... noticable.
Recently we had a random fight and he told her about it. That we broke up but then we got back again. Cause we are supposed to be. But she supported his break up with me and dint speak anything in support of his relationship with me. Infact when we started to talk and by using her observation skills she gets to know that we are talking again. She taunts his decision with him talking to me again. And he clearly has nothing to talk in support of our relationship. He was emotionally being drained he said when he was getting these taunts and my demands to keep a little distance. Clearly he couldn't do both because if he would not talk to her she would be hurt. And if he would talk to her it would be him crossing my words.
I tried to explain to her my problem in a hidden manner by explaining her the woman's code:" to leave a man alone when he is married, engaged or taken. Even if it your own brother or your bestfriend". But she comes up with a thing that, "ahh!! So It was you who was trying to bring distance between us." And she had to explode it all on him. And she did. But since he was emotionally being drained I plead my sorry for what I did. But she still had to keep some taunts to herself that she later exploded it on my boyfriend. She speaks to him about how toxic I am. And that I break families because I told her to distance with him a bit. And to literally break up with me. And even when he did she wouldn't see his face or even have any contact with him.
I tried to speak to her about him and her and she says it their personal. And refuses to talk to me about it because we aren't married yet? , yep thats what she said. And my boyfriend here said nothing to her. Instead He breaks up with me for a silly reason to have texted her when I had to text him.
About this a few days before this fight. I happened to randomly check his phone when we had been out. And when i see them both texting so much over how to make a coffee, while i was busy with my life and after me telling him to reduce the talking I get to see a huge pile of messages of how to make a damn coffee and pictures of how it would look like. Like seriously, can't you just Google it?? .... being so shit frank. I hated that thing. It was were i lost it all. And he dint tell me anything about it untill I saw. While the other times he always mentioned, i mean like, why you first make me get used to being notified about things and later sometimes you hide things when I demanded of something like him not talking to her. And coming to the worst thing. When i asked whom would you choose. He choose her instead. And left me after all that relationship goals time we spent with each other. He literally turned me down for his cousin. And is asking me to move on so he can move on and not look guilty.
I literally feel being emotionally embarrassed when he said to fix things between him and her. When all I did was to tell her to give some space for me with him from her side. Now all He did was ruined it all for me. Just because he is not on good terms with his cousin. I dono what zone I am put into By him. But its really upsetting after all that love and real feelings I shared with him.
So the end line is. Be ware of your partners cousins of opposite sex. If they cant set their boundaries it can get embarrassing for you, draining for him and frustrating for his cousin. Sometimes its not really the fault of any of you 3.
A relationship can stay between two individuals only. Or else either the sanity is lost or the relationship is lost or you either simply lose the other person. Also be aware of your actions they are inevitable and your words they will never be forgotten. As much as possible show love. But never remain in a place were you are tolerated. World is filled with people who can't see you happy and also wont want to keep you happy themselves. Everyone is selfish. But be bothered about the one you call a part of yourself.
You are bone from someone's body and the someone is the probably you should be only bothered about. I wonder if there was some kinda app to find our missing piece like anything else. But maybe thats the beauty of it. Which takes so much of effort and work. But there is a peace flow of path that leads to ua missing piece even if we mess up big time.